Couple things we need to get out of the way first before we get into
the meat of this. #1, a friend of my dad's lost his daughter this
morning, so lets keep the Stirneman family in our prayers. #2, while I
try to keep my blog light hearted, the inspiration for this entry was me
getting pissed off, so this is gonna be more serious, and a lot of
people are gonna get really pissed off about this. Many readers won't
want to be my friend anymore after reading this, this is your disclaimer
Now,
most people who know me know I don't do long term, so I'm sure that
there was a lot of shock when the title of this entry was read for the
first time, whether on facebook or when they stumble across this from
getting the link directly from me. In my own defense, I'm not against
long term, but I'm picky, and somewhat wary after the things that have
happened to me. So if I start to realize early that it's not gonna
work, I'm not gonna sit and wait it out and see if I'm wrong, or change
myself to force it to work. I've been in that relationship before, and i
hated every day of it, and I hated myself for it. With that having
been said, I also go on a lot of dates with a lot of different girls.
If it is gonna be a year, 2 year, 5 year, or lifelong relationship, it's
gotta be the right girl.
So now lets get into the meat of this. I
was informed last night, by someone who can't function as a single,
that the reason that I'm always out with a different girl every weekend,
and the fact that, yes, I have sex, and it's not always with someone
who means something to me, that I have some huge void in my life that
I'm trying to fill. I tried to lead the conversation away to avoid a
huge fight, and she kept forcing it back that way, and I lost it. After
I spent some time reminding her how she begged me to come be her new
surrogate father for her child, she went well over the line and wished
that I would "find someone who fills my void and completes me". Now,
first off, we've all had health class, and we all know the mechanics of
where babies come from, so any of us know that I'm the one filling the
void, not the other way around. Back to seriousness, the phrase "you
complete me" is beyond just wrong. It's just sick and disgusting and
it's a demeaning invention from the hallmark company to push single
people to get into relationships when they're not ready, so they can
sell more chocolate and valentines cards. I complete me. my life is
full and complete and meaningful by myself without someone in it.
People who look for the person who "completes" them are the people who
are likely to get divorced. Having been in a long long term
relationship where my fiance needed me to be satisfied in herself, I
know where these relationships fail. The secret to a real successful
relationship is to be complete before going into it. If you think about
it, how can you really give yourself completely to someone if you're
not satisfied in yourself. Wouldn't you feel a little bit like you're
cheating someone if you give them something (someone) that you're not
satisfied with?? A similar topic is how people "need" to be with
someone. You're just begging to get hurt at that point. I don't want
to be with someone because I somehow require it to validate myself, but
because I want to just spend time with her. Need puts so much pressure
on another person, and I see the most important aspect to a good
successful relationship is to have no pressure. Pressure drives guilt
and guilt drives resentment.
Bottom line, love yourself, then love
another. Complete yourself, and find happiness that way. And don't go
long term until you find someone who is worth going long term with. And
don't settle for anything less than what you want or deserve
J. Edgar Davis
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