In all of life's high pressure situations, very few carry the same pressure as a first date. As well as setting the tone for the way a relationship can go, but the conduct that each person carries on the first date also determines whether or not you will be called again, seen again, or just another joke passed around the bar. Now, every person in the world is very very different, so you do have to be dynamic as you date. But there are just some topics that a person who is attempting a relationship should avoid on the first date or even the first few dates. I am also talking about "true" first dates. The dynamic is very different if you and a long term friend are shifting paradigms from friendship to relationship. A lot of the questions I'll be laying out are fair game in that situation.
What I have compiled here is a short list of questions I've actually been asked on a first date or the first few dates that I found wildly inappropriate, along with a few questions that some female friends have brought forward to my attention that they disliked answering as well.
QUESTIONS WOMEN SHOULDN'T ASK MEN
"Why are you single??" - On a first date, or even on the first few, a person should never talk about his or her ex or exes, and yet this question is basically saying to a person "Tell me how your last relationship ended, please". Now, dependent on tone, a person on the outside could see this question as a sign of admiration. However, on a true first date or even the first two or three, the asking party would barely know enough about the other to admire more than physical appearance. Perhaps a level of arrogance, an odd hobby, or emotional or physical abuse was the cause. Now, as a couple is approaching relationship and the personalities are meshing, this question comes with a great level of admiration, but right in the beginning, it can bring you information that can easily drive both parties away from each other. For both men and women, using this question can be great, but wait a while before you ask it.
"What are you looking for??" - Oh my God, I can't tell you how much I hate this question on a first date. I can agree with anyone that there is a time and a place for this question, and it will need to be asked eventually, but it has no place on a first date. Even worse, in my experience, is that when it does come out, it's almost ALWAYS one of the first questions that a girl asks. When I hear this question on an early date this is what I hear: "Now, you barely know me, but are we gonna hook up, or commit??" When I date, it could honestly go either way, but I don't know that early. I'm not gonna commit to a person I have no connection with, can't stand to be around, or intends to emotionally abuse me. On the other hand, I'm not gonna go in looking to score, and miss out on the opportunity to have an intellectual connection with an amazing woman. I'm just out to go with the flow and see what happens.
"What kind of girl are you looking for??" or "What kind of girl do you normally go out with??" - This is fairly self explanatory. This is a terrible question, because the girls I normally go out with keep breaking up with me. That's why I'm dating.
"Can you describe the worst date you've ever been on??" - This isn't a horrific question, but I don't feel it's first date material. This can be a great conversation piece, or even an explanation to trauma, but I feel as though it's more geared to a more comfortable paradigm. I think this question would be great on the cusp of a new relationship. You can get a laugh, or find comfort in your new lover, but explaining it to a stranger makes me uncomfortable, and I can't imagine a girl being comfortable hearing about an ex, especially when she's just getting to know the guy
"How many women have you slept with??" - This is not a first date question. This is not a second date question. This is not a first anniversary question. This is not a golden anniversary question. This is not a question that should EVER be asked. I can't imagine a situation where the answer to this question will EVER strengthen a relationship. To be honest, I don't think the answer is anybody's business as long as the number stops going up while the two are together. There is only one situation where this is relevant and reasonable to know...and that is when the number is 0.
QUESTIONS THAT MEN SHOULD NEVER ASK WOMEN
Thank you to Jessica, Susan, Cami, Ashley, and Lauren for providing me with insight on this. I'm skipping over the questions that I have already covered on the men's side, and you would be surprised at how many came up. But there are a few others that seem to be unique to women.
"What's your favorite position??" - It's a date, you're not paying her. There is a chance that you'll have sex at the end of the night if you make a good connection, but you're not going to get it, or a second date, if you go into it expecting that. I'll admit, I'm the last man alive worthy of preaching no sex on the first date, but every time I've done it, it's been a total surprise to me. Leave the mystery out there, and stick to learning about her mind.
"How much do you weigh??" - I don't think I really need to explain to any man why this is a bad question to ask a woman on a first date, or at any other time
"Do you still have feelings for an Ex??" - This is like the question about what you're looking for. It seems that by asking this question, you're looking to figure out where the paradigm will lead before getting to know a person. If you are concerned about this, it seems that you are not comfortable in your own ability to make a a first impression and a relationship, and also that you want to know if your partner is free and clear to pursue a relationship as well. Once again, this is a good question and important information for down the line, but it's definitely not first date material. Exes should just stay out of a first date, period
"How much money do you make??" - First off, if you have any knowledge of the world, you should be able to estimate this by a person's career or job. But more importantly, it's irrelevant on a true first date. Since this is a men to women subject, I'll say it right out. Be a gentleman, pick up the check, open the door, buy the drinks, and get to know your date.
"Do you want children??" - I've beaten this horse to death...This is a down the road question for obvious reasons. The big question is, do you want to make a child and have it raised by someone who is crazy. You should know your partner before you ever consider this
"Are your boobs real??" - Honestly, this goes back to the way I started the women's side. Don't delve into the sexuality openly, and you'll be surprised at how well it goes for you. On another note, if you have to ask a girl if her boobs are real, I don't honestly believe that you've ever seen a fake pair. They're generally pretty obvious, and in the age group of the people who submitted questions for this, easily identified by a girl with an excessive cup size built on a frame that can clearly not handle it.
The summation of this list of questions really boils down to "Take your time". Most of the information here will eventually come in time, if you get lucky enough to start a relationship with the person you're dating, and if you don't get it, you didn't really need it because the relationship isn't going anywhere. So go in with a good mind, and you'll see just how far it can get you.
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
The Pickup Truck Wars
My blog was intended to be a lighthearted look at dating and society, and something for me to have fun with, but it very quickly turned into a very serious criticism on modern society. After writing about being yourself, and sharing my chilling vision about where political rivalry could lead us in the worst case scenario, and adding to my musings on being yourself, I thought that it was time to try to do something fun again. I've been wanting to write this for a while, but a couple of articles took precedence. My disclaimer is that I'm not out to offend anyone by writing this, but I hope that we get a few laughs because we all know someone who fits each one of these description, especially those of us who work around automobiles. When I first wrote this in my head, I was gonna use the word "Asshole" and because of that I am glad it took me so long to get around to it. I toned it down to "jerk" because I don't want anyone to take it too seriously. I'll even be poking fun at myself a little, because I'm just as guilty of being one of these "stereotypes" as any other gearhead who likes pickup trucks. So read on and enjoy, and laugh a little bit as you realize that you, too, know someone like these classifications...and it might even be YOU.
Chevy Guy - Chevy guy very often doesn't do any modifications to his truck, but either secretly or openly longs for a big lift kit or a higher performance engine. Many times Chevy guy has multiple trucks and a few cars for fuel economy, because generally he's a really sensible guy. They usually have a purpose (daily driver, wood hauler, plow truck, long distance truck) and are only used for their intended purposes. Chevy guy can see the strengths of Ford trucks and will own and drive them if he can get a deal, but in general dislikes them. However, he has a strong distaste for Dodge trucks, seeing them as an overpriced status symbol, but cites transmission issues as his reasoning. Chevy guy's daily driver is generally a 3/4 ton or 1 ton pickup with a Duramax, and he will tell you at length how much better the combination of his Duramax and Allison is than anything you'll ever own. As I mentioned, he often has several other trucks..most of them older, most of them he got for under 3 grand. He's generally a salt of the earth guy, working either retail or factory, and generally loves to work.
Chevy Jerk - To Chevy Jerk, there is no make other than Chevrolet, Pontiac, GMC, Buick, Oldsmobile and Cadillac. Hummer is passable to him, as they have GM engines, but he will adamantly deny the involvement of Isuzu, Toyota, and Saab in spite of the fact that EVERYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD knows that all three of those makes are GM interests and Toyota and GM have been sleeping in the same bed since the late 70's. You also can't quite convince him that the Duramax is built by Isuzu in spite of the fact that the Engine ID tag says Isuzu right on it. To Chevy Jerk, your Fox Body Mustang with a supercharged 351 Windsor is no match for his 1998 Chevy Silverado that's bone stock because his truck has a 350. And when you do win by a large amount, it doesn't matter anyway because you have a Ford. If Chevy Jerk is your mechanic, and you bring your Cummins powered Dodge to him complaining of low power, he'll tell you that the problem is that it doesn't say 6.6 Liter Duramax before you can say another word. The problem with this is that Chevy Jerk is generally a career auto mechanic. Chevy Jerk usually has a half ton or 3/4 ton truck that's heavily modified in one way or another, whether creature comfort, engine, or a huge lift kit. His truck got this way because as soon as he gets every paycheck, he takes out the bare minimum that he will need to live, and turns around and pours every cent he has left over into his truck.
Ford Guy - Ford guy has a lot of similarities to Chevy Guy. He's generally a laborer, and loves to work. He also is not opposed to buying a Chevrolet if he can get a deal on it. The thing about Ford guy is that he generally has only one truck. He might have other cars, but just one truck. Because he only has the one truck, though, he tends to overload it and overwork it as much as he can. The frame rails on the back of Ford Guy's truck often spend as much time on the axle stops as they do off of them. Ford guy understand the need for the complexities of the new modular engines, and even the Ecoboost engine, but he still longs for the days of pushrods, big blocks, and an inline 6 engine that the truck body generally fell right apart around, while there is still plenty of engine life left. Ford Guy was curious about the new diesel engines as they came out, including the new 6.7 Ford diesel. He understands the weaknesses of the 6.0 and 6.4, and he didn't tout them until he knew what they would do long term. He will, however, still do anything to get his hands on a 7.3. Typically, Ford Guy drives a late 90's or early 2000's F150 or F250.
Ford Jerk - Ford Jerk usually comes along when Ford Guy comes into a whole pile of money, but he also has some of his own standalone quirks. Ford Jerk is like Chevy Guy in the fact that he generally owns several trucks, and they are mostly purpose driven. But you also have to take into consideration that he has multiple older trucks because his brand new F250 Diesel 4x4 will never be loaded, off-roaded, or see a flake of snow. Depending on the individual Ford Jerk, he will either tune the absolute Hell out of every single truck he gets his hands on, or, more commonly, will tell everyone who will listen how pointless any sort of modification is and how perfectly the Ford Motor Company does absolutely everything. Ford Jerk is usually in management of some sort. He owns Chevrolets, but they are generally never driven on road, or anywhere that someone will see him driving them.
Dodge Guy - To put it bluntly, Dodge Guy is Forum Guy. Dodge Guy has a million reasons why his truck is better than yours, and he read all of them on the internet. The internet told him that some naturally aspirated V6 Rams can do better on fuel economy than Ford's Ecoboost and Chevrolet's 5.3, so he assumes that it means that his Hemi does also. Dodge guy generally has a very professional job, and his truck is often almost stock, with the exception of an exhaust, and is more like a luxury car status symbol. Dodge guy loves hunting and sports that will take him off road, but as soon as his truck is back in the driveway, it's washed and perfectly waxed. Dodge guy usually has the newest Ram 1500 that his budget will allow him
Dodge Jerk - When it comes to Dodge Jerk, I have one person in mind. Dodge Jerk has a Cummins, and he's been pouring every penny he has into it since he bought it. Dodge Jerk believes that the only way to make a statement is to pour as much black smoke as he can everywhere he can. The guy I'm thinking of went as far as to put his dual tail pipes right around his hitch pointed down and straight back so that he can brake check and pepper every car that gets behind him with smoke. Between his oversized injectors and his Banks Power Pack, it's a wonder he isn't melting a set of pistons every month. Dodge Jerk wants to be a performance mechanic, and when people try to tell him that they know more than he does, and prove it, he runs off and sulks, usually leaving a trail of black smoke behind him, so you can just imagine what happened when he went to diesel school.
And that's what we have for the first round of Pickup truck wars. There is a completely different set of subcultures that I can go into on a later article. But for now, as you have read these, your mind is formulating who it is that you know who fits these characteristics. I bet each and every person who reads this will be able to think of people who fit at least two of these categories, and some may even be scratching their heads thinking, "Oh crap, that's me". Please do note, these six categories do not encompass ALL pickup truck owners. These are just traits that I've seen that are noteworthy, and generally have a group of people associated with them. Chevy Guy isn't all Chevy guys, he's just THAT Chevy guy, and so on down the line. In a few months, when I revisit this topic, we'll look at racers, off road guys, lowriders, and posh truck guys.
Chevy Guy - Chevy guy very often doesn't do any modifications to his truck, but either secretly or openly longs for a big lift kit or a higher performance engine. Many times Chevy guy has multiple trucks and a few cars for fuel economy, because generally he's a really sensible guy. They usually have a purpose (daily driver, wood hauler, plow truck, long distance truck) and are only used for their intended purposes. Chevy guy can see the strengths of Ford trucks and will own and drive them if he can get a deal, but in general dislikes them. However, he has a strong distaste for Dodge trucks, seeing them as an overpriced status symbol, but cites transmission issues as his reasoning. Chevy guy's daily driver is generally a 3/4 ton or 1 ton pickup with a Duramax, and he will tell you at length how much better the combination of his Duramax and Allison is than anything you'll ever own. As I mentioned, he often has several other trucks..most of them older, most of them he got for under 3 grand. He's generally a salt of the earth guy, working either retail or factory, and generally loves to work.
Chevy Jerk - To Chevy Jerk, there is no make other than Chevrolet, Pontiac, GMC, Buick, Oldsmobile and Cadillac. Hummer is passable to him, as they have GM engines, but he will adamantly deny the involvement of Isuzu, Toyota, and Saab in spite of the fact that EVERYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD knows that all three of those makes are GM interests and Toyota and GM have been sleeping in the same bed since the late 70's. You also can't quite convince him that the Duramax is built by Isuzu in spite of the fact that the Engine ID tag says Isuzu right on it. To Chevy Jerk, your Fox Body Mustang with a supercharged 351 Windsor is no match for his 1998 Chevy Silverado that's bone stock because his truck has a 350. And when you do win by a large amount, it doesn't matter anyway because you have a Ford. If Chevy Jerk is your mechanic, and you bring your Cummins powered Dodge to him complaining of low power, he'll tell you that the problem is that it doesn't say 6.6 Liter Duramax before you can say another word. The problem with this is that Chevy Jerk is generally a career auto mechanic. Chevy Jerk usually has a half ton or 3/4 ton truck that's heavily modified in one way or another, whether creature comfort, engine, or a huge lift kit. His truck got this way because as soon as he gets every paycheck, he takes out the bare minimum that he will need to live, and turns around and pours every cent he has left over into his truck.
Ford Guy - Ford guy has a lot of similarities to Chevy Guy. He's generally a laborer, and loves to work. He also is not opposed to buying a Chevrolet if he can get a deal on it. The thing about Ford guy is that he generally has only one truck. He might have other cars, but just one truck. Because he only has the one truck, though, he tends to overload it and overwork it as much as he can. The frame rails on the back of Ford Guy's truck often spend as much time on the axle stops as they do off of them. Ford guy understand the need for the complexities of the new modular engines, and even the Ecoboost engine, but he still longs for the days of pushrods, big blocks, and an inline 6 engine that the truck body generally fell right apart around, while there is still plenty of engine life left. Ford Guy was curious about the new diesel engines as they came out, including the new 6.7 Ford diesel. He understands the weaknesses of the 6.0 and 6.4, and he didn't tout them until he knew what they would do long term. He will, however, still do anything to get his hands on a 7.3. Typically, Ford Guy drives a late 90's or early 2000's F150 or F250.
Ford Jerk - Ford Jerk usually comes along when Ford Guy comes into a whole pile of money, but he also has some of his own standalone quirks. Ford Jerk is like Chevy Guy in the fact that he generally owns several trucks, and they are mostly purpose driven. But you also have to take into consideration that he has multiple older trucks because his brand new F250 Diesel 4x4 will never be loaded, off-roaded, or see a flake of snow. Depending on the individual Ford Jerk, he will either tune the absolute Hell out of every single truck he gets his hands on, or, more commonly, will tell everyone who will listen how pointless any sort of modification is and how perfectly the Ford Motor Company does absolutely everything. Ford Jerk is usually in management of some sort. He owns Chevrolets, but they are generally never driven on road, or anywhere that someone will see him driving them.
Dodge Guy - To put it bluntly, Dodge Guy is Forum Guy. Dodge Guy has a million reasons why his truck is better than yours, and he read all of them on the internet. The internet told him that some naturally aspirated V6 Rams can do better on fuel economy than Ford's Ecoboost and Chevrolet's 5.3, so he assumes that it means that his Hemi does also. Dodge guy generally has a very professional job, and his truck is often almost stock, with the exception of an exhaust, and is more like a luxury car status symbol. Dodge guy loves hunting and sports that will take him off road, but as soon as his truck is back in the driveway, it's washed and perfectly waxed. Dodge guy usually has the newest Ram 1500 that his budget will allow him
Dodge Jerk - When it comes to Dodge Jerk, I have one person in mind. Dodge Jerk has a Cummins, and he's been pouring every penny he has into it since he bought it. Dodge Jerk believes that the only way to make a statement is to pour as much black smoke as he can everywhere he can. The guy I'm thinking of went as far as to put his dual tail pipes right around his hitch pointed down and straight back so that he can brake check and pepper every car that gets behind him with smoke. Between his oversized injectors and his Banks Power Pack, it's a wonder he isn't melting a set of pistons every month. Dodge Jerk wants to be a performance mechanic, and when people try to tell him that they know more than he does, and prove it, he runs off and sulks, usually leaving a trail of black smoke behind him, so you can just imagine what happened when he went to diesel school.
And that's what we have for the first round of Pickup truck wars. There is a completely different set of subcultures that I can go into on a later article. But for now, as you have read these, your mind is formulating who it is that you know who fits these characteristics. I bet each and every person who reads this will be able to think of people who fit at least two of these categories, and some may even be scratching their heads thinking, "Oh crap, that's me". Please do note, these six categories do not encompass ALL pickup truck owners. These are just traits that I've seen that are noteworthy, and generally have a group of people associated with them. Chevy Guy isn't all Chevy guys, he's just THAT Chevy guy, and so on down the line. In a few months, when I revisit this topic, we'll look at racers, off road guys, lowriders, and posh truck guys.
Saturday, September 14, 2013
The Urquelle Effect: An addendum
Over the course of the last couple days, I started thinking about a few things, particularly revolving around the points I made in the article that was entitled "The Urkel Effect". With the observations of my own life and in the lives of others, I felt compelled to write a short little article about the opposing side of the coin.
In the 1994 film "The Mask", Ben Stein plays a minor role as a psychologist named Dr. Neuman. His primary role in the movie is discussing a book entitled "The Masks We Wear", discussing the way that we hide behind certain roles that are expected of us. It was this short piece of dialog that inspired this addendum. This is not a new concept, as it's been discussed at length in both the psychological world as well as pop culture. Whether it be Metallica's hit song "Sad But True" or the Miller-Boyett character that lent his name to this article, Stefan Urquelle; most all of us have felt the need to hide behind another persona based on what is expected of us demographically, or simply what is "cool". Now, not all of us have the intelligence or resources to genetically change ourselves as our friend Steve Urkel did. But, more often than not, we find ourselves hiding our true loves and interests to be more pleasing to our general public.
Now, why do we hide our inner Urkel and bring out Stefan?? Sociologically and instinctively, it's very easy to see that social acceptance leads to being a desirable mate. An advanced academic may hide his intelligence to avoid being a nerd. A young man who loves fashion and cooking or a young woman who loves to work on cars or build houses may force themselves in a line with their respective genders to avoid slurs of homosexuality, and the list goes on. Those who aren't afraid to be themselves are very often ostricized at a very young age, and this leads to an inner fear of their own interests.
The final point that I have to this will bring the article back to the points I made before, and truly make this an addendum. Those who remember Family Matters will remember that Stefan always turned back into Steve within a couple of episodes. It's the same in real life. The things that you love and hold dear, and your true self will always find a way to come out from behind the mask that you have put on. The important thing is to make sure you embrace it earlier than later. There is very little worse than coming to grips with the things that you love, then suddenly realizing that you're 28, and you've been living your life for everyone around you for your entire life, and you don't recognize the real person that you've been hiding for all those years. Trust me, it's very hard to start learning about the things you have been passionate about and have enjoyed for your entire life when a quarter of it is already gone.
The Urquelle Effect will always wind up being temporary, but the Urkel Effect is for life. Some food for thought
In the 1994 film "The Mask", Ben Stein plays a minor role as a psychologist named Dr. Neuman. His primary role in the movie is discussing a book entitled "The Masks We Wear", discussing the way that we hide behind certain roles that are expected of us. It was this short piece of dialog that inspired this addendum. This is not a new concept, as it's been discussed at length in both the psychological world as well as pop culture. Whether it be Metallica's hit song "Sad But True" or the Miller-Boyett character that lent his name to this article, Stefan Urquelle; most all of us have felt the need to hide behind another persona based on what is expected of us demographically, or simply what is "cool". Now, not all of us have the intelligence or resources to genetically change ourselves as our friend Steve Urkel did. But, more often than not, we find ourselves hiding our true loves and interests to be more pleasing to our general public.
Now, why do we hide our inner Urkel and bring out Stefan?? Sociologically and instinctively, it's very easy to see that social acceptance leads to being a desirable mate. An advanced academic may hide his intelligence to avoid being a nerd. A young man who loves fashion and cooking or a young woman who loves to work on cars or build houses may force themselves in a line with their respective genders to avoid slurs of homosexuality, and the list goes on. Those who aren't afraid to be themselves are very often ostricized at a very young age, and this leads to an inner fear of their own interests.
The final point that I have to this will bring the article back to the points I made before, and truly make this an addendum. Those who remember Family Matters will remember that Stefan always turned back into Steve within a couple of episodes. It's the same in real life. The things that you love and hold dear, and your true self will always find a way to come out from behind the mask that you have put on. The important thing is to make sure you embrace it earlier than later. There is very little worse than coming to grips with the things that you love, then suddenly realizing that you're 28, and you've been living your life for everyone around you for your entire life, and you don't recognize the real person that you've been hiding for all those years. Trust me, it's very hard to start learning about the things you have been passionate about and have enjoyed for your entire life when a quarter of it is already gone.
The Urquelle Effect will always wind up being temporary, but the Urkel Effect is for life. Some food for thought
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