In all of life's high pressure situations, very few carry the same pressure as a first date. As well as setting the tone for the way a relationship can go, but the conduct that each person carries on the first date also determines whether or not you will be called again, seen again, or just another joke passed around the bar. Now, every person in the world is very very different, so you do have to be dynamic as you date. But there are just some topics that a person who is attempting a relationship should avoid on the first date or even the first few dates. I am also talking about "true" first dates. The dynamic is very different if you and a long term friend are shifting paradigms from friendship to relationship. A lot of the questions I'll be laying out are fair game in that situation.
What I have compiled here is a short list of questions I've actually been asked on a first date or the first few dates that I found wildly inappropriate, along with a few questions that some female friends have brought forward to my attention that they disliked answering as well.
QUESTIONS WOMEN SHOULDN'T ASK MEN
"Why are you single??" - On a first date, or even on the first few, a person should never talk about his or her ex or exes, and yet this question is basically saying to a person "Tell me how your last relationship ended, please". Now, dependent on tone, a person on the outside could see this question as a sign of admiration. However, on a true first date or even the first two or three, the asking party would barely know enough about the other to admire more than physical appearance. Perhaps a level of arrogance, an odd hobby, or emotional or physical abuse was the cause. Now, as a couple is approaching relationship and the personalities are meshing, this question comes with a great level of admiration, but right in the beginning, it can bring you information that can easily drive both parties away from each other. For both men and women, using this question can be great, but wait a while before you ask it.
"What are you looking for??" - Oh my God, I can't tell you how much I hate this question on a first date. I can agree with anyone that there is a time and a place for this question, and it will need to be asked eventually, but it has no place on a first date. Even worse, in my experience, is that when it does come out, it's almost ALWAYS one of the first questions that a girl asks. When I hear this question on an early date this is what I hear: "Now, you barely know me, but are we gonna hook up, or commit??" When I date, it could honestly go either way, but I don't know that early. I'm not gonna commit to a person I have no connection with, can't stand to be around, or intends to emotionally abuse me. On the other hand, I'm not gonna go in looking to score, and miss out on the opportunity to have an intellectual connection with an amazing woman. I'm just out to go with the flow and see what happens.
"What kind of girl are you looking for??" or "What kind of girl do you normally go out with??" - This is fairly self explanatory. This is a terrible question, because the girls I normally go out with keep breaking up with me. That's why I'm dating.
"Can you describe the worst date you've ever been on??" - This isn't a horrific question, but I don't feel it's first date material. This can be a great conversation piece, or even an explanation to trauma, but I feel as though it's more geared to a more comfortable paradigm. I think this question would be great on the cusp of a new relationship. You can get a laugh, or find comfort in your new lover, but explaining it to a stranger makes me uncomfortable, and I can't imagine a girl being comfortable hearing about an ex, especially when she's just getting to know the guy
"How many women have you slept with??" - This is not a first date question. This is not a second date question. This is not a first anniversary question. This is not a golden anniversary question. This is not a question that should EVER be asked. I can't imagine a situation where the answer to this question will EVER strengthen a relationship. To be honest, I don't think the answer is anybody's business as long as the number stops going up while the two are together. There is only one situation where this is relevant and reasonable to know...and that is when the number is 0.
QUESTIONS THAT MEN SHOULD NEVER ASK WOMEN
Thank you to Jessica, Susan, Cami, Ashley, and Lauren for providing me with insight on this. I'm skipping over the questions that I have already covered on the men's side, and you would be surprised at how many came up. But there are a few others that seem to be unique to women.
"What's your favorite position??" - It's a date, you're not paying her. There is a chance that you'll have sex at the end of the night if you make a good connection, but you're not going to get it, or a second date, if you go into it expecting that. I'll admit, I'm the last man alive worthy of preaching no sex on the first date, but every time I've done it, it's been a total surprise to me. Leave the mystery out there, and stick to learning about her mind.
"How much do you weigh??" - I don't think I really need to explain to any man why this is a bad question to ask a woman on a first date, or at any other time
"Do you still have feelings for an Ex??" - This is like the question about what you're looking for. It seems that by asking this question, you're looking to figure out where the paradigm will lead before getting to know a person. If you are concerned about this, it seems that you are not comfortable in your own ability to make a a first impression and a relationship, and also that you want to know if your partner is free and clear to pursue a relationship as well. Once again, this is a good question and important information for down the line, but it's definitely not first date material. Exes should just stay out of a first date, period
"How much money do you make??" - First off, if you have any knowledge of the world, you should be able to estimate this by a person's career or job. But more importantly, it's irrelevant on a true first date. Since this is a men to women subject, I'll say it right out. Be a gentleman, pick up the check, open the door, buy the drinks, and get to know your date.
"Do you want children??" - I've beaten this horse to death...This is a down the road question for obvious reasons. The big question is, do you want to make a child and have it raised by someone who is crazy. You should know your partner before you ever consider this
"Are your boobs real??" - Honestly, this goes back to the way I started the women's side. Don't delve into the sexuality openly, and you'll be surprised at how well it goes for you. On another note, if you have to ask a girl if her boobs are real, I don't honestly believe that you've ever seen a fake pair. They're generally pretty obvious, and in the age group of the people who submitted questions for this, easily identified by a girl with an excessive cup size built on a frame that can clearly not handle it.
The summation of this list of questions really boils down to "Take your time". Most of the information here will eventually come in time, if you get lucky enough to start a relationship with the person you're dating, and if you don't get it, you didn't really need it because the relationship isn't going anywhere. So go in with a good mind, and you'll see just how far it can get you.
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